Follow your Highest Ideal, not your "Dream"

I get so anxious about all this stuff, and really, about anything! When I go out, I get anxious that I will be mugged--I get anxious that I will not be able to sleep--every night--- I get anxious that I am not taking enough medication and somethng bad will happen--and so on. But my faith in the spiritual master makes everything run ok anyhow, with few symptoms at all, except one encounter with my late father. I was walking along, pleased with myself and I must have had some thought about being a man, because I heard this voice in my head say, "Oh, no you're not!"I had heard that a number of times from my father, so I just replied, "You're dead, Pop"and that was the end of it. People who have read too much pop psychology do not understand that I have put the "bad suggestions from Pop" stuff in the spam folder--I have rejected him for being just too mean, and he has rejected me. But I have accepted Srila Prabhupada as my real father, and whn I did, I felt bliss and memories of Pop just went away.

Many people including Pop and this worthless lawyer who came on the ward to "help patients" going before a Judge to apply for a habeas corpus--he never did anything at all, thought that I was a drifter--not so; I was chasing a special caterpillar on the Tree of Life, as Crowley says; my Ideal was simply uncommon and not easily identifiable by anybody who was not on the same Path himself. If you follow your Ideal rather than your "dream", i find that as Christ says, "everything needed will be given unto you"--in time! There will be problems to solve of a more difficult kind than the Average Joe has, and there will be setbacks and humiliations and hardships--but if you maintain the Highest Ideal, it will maintain you, and you will attain siddhi (perfection) of that ideal, and you will cross over all obstacles by Krishna's grace and the grace of the spiritual master.
So Srila Prabhupada has noticed me, quite recently, although a lot of people who should know better think he died in 1977. From being just another devotee wannabe, I have attracted him by writing constantly about Krishna consciousness and publishing on the web.. Srila Prabhupada is always very pleased by anyone who tries to write about Transcendence, and he helps such a devotee in every way.
Srila Prabhupada says that he has read all of my stuff, going back to my senior year in high school, and he says that I am very talented at this. How does Srila Prabhupada speak to me? Same way God speaks to George W.Bush!! All of this is Prabhupada's arrangement--he arranged for a quiet apartment for me in a neighborhood I like, then he got me a computer, then to the internet, then to a blog where I quickly discovered that a blog is the ideal place for a writer of my style. "The secret of success is to please the bonafide spiritual master"